Friday, June 24, 2011

Independence: Trials and Choices (Part 3 of 3)

As I neared the end of my first semester, it became increasingly clear that I could not attend college the following year. I had no money, no scholarships, and no possibility of a loan. Boyfriend and I continued to grow closer and the thought of leaving him and moving back in with my parents was unbearable. It came as a surprise when a dear Friend of mine convinced her father to co-sign on a private student loan. I had not asked for help and her loving generosity still brings me to tears. The loan enabled me to pay off the $15000 i had already racked up in debt, and left me with a choice: Continue my education (as a journalist) and create $70 K in debt that i had no plan to pay, OR go to a more cost-effective institution and get a quick degree in something that i knew would pay my debt. Over Christmas break, Boyfriend and I did a lot of talking and praying. It was one of the hardest decisions i ever had to make. I never went back after that Christmas break. I had my stuff shipped to me at my parents house and i signed myself up for CNA (Certified Nurse Assistant) Training at the local community college.

We were miserable.

Boyfriend was planning on heading back out to Virginia, 13 hours away, in a week. We spent every spare moment together, much to the chagrin of my parents who thought we should be with family all the time. I guess they thought that we had just held hands up to this point. One night after a movie, Boyfriend pulled the car over at a local park and we sat watching the snow fall. He asked me if i really thought i could stand to spend the rest of my life with him. I told i couldn't stand to spend it without him. And then he asked me to marry him. I Said Yes.

Of course it was shocking to everyone. Except my parents. They took it to mean I was obeying their council. Everyone else told me i was making a huge mistake. Honestly i cant blame them. We had known each other for 6 months and were already engaged. We were freshman in college. We were poor, and we were YOUNG. But at 18 years of age, I walked the isle and spoke the vows, and i haven't regretted it for a day since. My father rambled on in his reception speech about how he had "allowed" me to marry. He even said that "(Boyfriend) started as worse than Whale Scum in my eyes, but he is slowly redeeming himself." I was mortified. That however, is the only bad memory of my wedding. It was wonderful and beautiful and everything I never dreamed of.

Husband is now studying at a State school (we left PHC) and plans to go on to law school. I got my CNA, but have decided to go in another direction. I will be starting part time school in the fall and hopefully pursuing a degree in psychology. I work full time as a receptionist to pay the bills. We are very happy with our life. My parents on the other hand continue to insist that we are not living a godly lifestyle. My father constantly mentions the fact that we are not having children and my mother often expresses her doubt that my husband is "taking care of me." I am sure they will be horrified to learn that I do not plan to home school our future children.

Anyway, now you know the basics of my life story. These last three posts have given me a structure on which to build further posts. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been reading my posts! I didn't expect this and it is such an encouragement to me. <3


  1. I was lucky - I started off at a relatively inexpensive state school, and had a full tuition scholarship, so when I left I only had to pay my own room and board, and was able to make that work. I can't imagine how hard it must have been with no money, no scholarships, no nothing! Except, well, love. I had that too when I left my parents', and it sure helped!

    I, too, am in the situation where my parents don't think we are living a "godly lifestyle." Hell, I send my daughter to daycare! And I don't plan to homeschool at this point either. So like you, we are in for plenty of future horifiedness.

    But you know what? Kudos. Because you left and you've made it work and you're happy. I really think that's all parents should expect of their adult children - that they go off and form their own independent lives and are happy and productive.

    I also married young, and everyone thought I was crazy. We were 19 and 20. My parents thought I was crazy because they didn't approve of the young man; everyone else thought we were crazy because we were still just kids. But you know what? It's been years now and I've never regretted it!

  2. It's so frustrating when they assume that you are "obeying" we still have that kind of thing. So happy you and Eddie were able to make the choice to be together. I was upset about his speach (made me want to go up and give a speach myself) but I was having a time of my own that day. Did you read my post about your wedding? :) :

  3. It's kind of funny/weird to me - you have to deal with getting looked down on for NOT homeschooling while I will likely get looked down on by the in-laws for choosing to homeschool my boys. Actually, I want to do unschooling, not homeschooling, but I know it will likely be all the same to them. However, if my kids ever express interest in doing something else I totally support that. I was homeschooled for all 12 yrs and while I am actually really glad that I was put on that path I also feel irritated when I think of the year (I was 14) I wanted to give public school a try and wasn't allowed. I'll just bet that I would've ended up liking the freedom of homeschooling better and willingly gone back to that. But I wasn't allowed that room for choice, to make that decision myself, to discover for myself what I might like better and for that I have always felt hurt and a little resentful.

    I feel like I really rocked the boat when I got engaged to my now husband. Sent my mom into a tizzy. Ugh, I can't even discuss it. At least we now have a semi-normal relationship again. For the first 3 1/2 yrs of my marriage we hardly spoke at all. I still feel so much fucking resentment, but I don't even know where to begin to sort through it. I think my sister (who turns 18 in August) will likely face similar struggles as my mom has a really hard time letting go My mom is a single parent with no friends, so she tends to hold onto her children a little too tightly.