Monday, June 6, 2011


My Enemy is near bye. Closer than she has been in a long time. Her pull is powerful, she wraps her cold arms around me and whispers "it is better this way." She is all sadness and understanding, caressing the the ache in my heart till it is raw. I think for a moment that maybe i don't want to go with her. I muster my strength, try to struggle. I want to stay here in the light! Suddenly she is stronger, and angry.

"YOU DESERVE THIS!" she insists.

She forces me to stand on the scale, in front of the mirror, i pinch my belly: hard. She makes me remember the lies that i told, the things I did, Or worse! The things i DIDN'T do. She is right after all. How could i have dared to pretend i deserve to be happy? At what point did i start to believe the sweet lies my husband tells me? Who do i think i am? She asks me,

"who do you think you are?"
I am ashamed of myself. She holds my hand, gentle again. Promises to never let me get so lost again. With strange new clarity I follow her into the dark. I shiver from the cold, the bruises from her fingers are throbbing on my arm. I am acutely aware of the stinging in my eyes. The tears i do not deserve to cry.

1 comment:

  1. You do deserve to be happy, you have every right to cry. Hugs sent your way!