"YOU DESERVE THIS!" she insists.
She forces me to stand on the scale, in front of the mirror, i pinch my belly: hard. She makes me remember the lies that i told, the things I did, Or worse! The things i DIDN'T do. She is right after all. How could i have dared to pretend i deserve to be happy? At what point did i start to believe the sweet lies my husband tells me? Who do i think i am? She asks me,
"who do you think you are?"I am ashamed of myself. She holds my hand, gentle again. Promises to never let me get so lost again. With strange new clarity I follow her into the dark. I shiver from the cold, the bruises from her fingers are throbbing on my arm. I am acutely aware of the stinging in my eyes. The tears i do not deserve to cry.