Monday, July 9, 2012

Still Crying: Spank Them

This peice is from an anonymous author.

If you want your children to behave only when you're around, spank them.
If you want your children to see your anger as something to be afraid of, spank them.
If you want your children to sneak behind your back and keep things to themselves to avoid your anger, spank them.
If you want your children to hurt and berate themselves when they feel like they've let themselves down, spank them.
If you want your children to be fed lies like "this hurts me more than it hurts you", spank them.
If you want your children to think that your love is conditional and that making mistakes mean you don't love them, spank them.
If you want your children to physically fight with each other, spank them.
If you want your children to feel justified when your spouse abuses you, spank them.
If you want your children to move far from you the first chance they get, spank them.
If you want your children to resent you and authority, spank them.
If you want your children to be introverted and afraid to let themselves show, spank them.
If you want your children to learn how to draw themselves into dead, emotionless state when criticized because "crying just makes it worse", spank them.

"Spare the rod, spoil the child," they say.

"Use the rod, spoil your relationship with your child," is the reality.

I love my mother and appreciate what she gave us as a single mother who managed to get her two daughters to graduate from university.  But I can't help wondering how much better I'd love her and how much better we'd have turned out if she had never spanked us.

Don't make your children feel the same way about you.

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  1. Very well put. With luck this series will reach to many people and convince them to avoid physical punishments before their kids and them face all these negative consequences.

  2. Totally agree! And, as a non-spanking mother of adult kids, I could see exactly that as my kids and their peers were growing up

  3. Thank you for writing this. I linked to it on a post on my blog.

  4. You want to give them a case of PTSD? spank them by charging at them with eyes blazing and teeth bared and dont bother telling them what it was that they said or did that set you off and then afterwards tell them to shut up or they'll get another one. Then rinse lather and repeat whenever something they say makes you angry enough. Or even just lunge forward suddenly and slap them on the side of the head if you are angry but not angry enough to spank. So what if they fall to the floor? they deserved it anyway

  5. I disagree. But the my parents were very careful never to spank us growing up when they were angry. And I plan to do the same to my children as they grow up. BUT... Spanking is used as the final form of punishment after saying "no" and explaining what they did wrong, time out and privileges taken away. And even then it is only when my child looks me straight in the eye and disobeys me or my wife. I don't want to raise a robot and we are teaching our kids to think for themselves. But that is no excuse for direct disobedience.

    My wife was completely against any form of physical punishment when we got married, mainly due to being punished in anger while she was growing up, and she did not want the same for her kids. Even today she will still have me hand out that punishment because she doesn't trust herself to do it. And if you couldn't tell from that last sentence, she now believes in spanking, but for very certain things, and only as a last form of punishment. Also because she has seen time and time again that I NEVER lay a hand on my children in anger, and will recluse myself if I am that mad at them.

  6. Reeves, I disagree with your declaration of (or anyone's) ability to be that in control over your emotions. My father was VERY good at not being angry when he spanked. He believed in the same method, speak kindly, not yelling, explaining what the problems were ect. But it still felt like anger to me and taught me to be a violent person. That when all else fails respond with violence...that's what daddy does. Also, what do you do when the child is being very stubborn? When "the final form of punishment" doesn't work? It is a fail fail situation to get into. It may at times give you the desired outward result from your child but inside nothing has changed. They just know to stop or get hurt, which is still the child winning the battle in the end anyways. I know, I was that kid.

  7. I gotta agree with Reeves on one point: at the end of the day, too, your parents are in charge. If you're not getting the message, perhaps spanking is the only way. However, I don't know what you would do if there is still no response. My first guess would be take them to a shrink, but who knows?
    My parents spanked me and my brother. I don't think many of the examples apply to us (except having physical fights as kids, which didn't last long.) I will say, though, that I distinctly remember hiding in my closet after getting spanked and making my parents worry about my whereabouts a few times. Once I 'fessed up, we made a deal: no more spanking, and no more hiding in the closet.
    Make of that what you will; I'm not entirely sure what it means myself.

  8. I've been blog-hopping today, starting here:

    It led me here and even though this is an old post I wanted to say that I had never considered that spanking may have been what led me to cutting but the quote above, "If you want your children to hurt and berate themselves when they feel like they've let themselves down, spank them." has me considering that very possibility. Thanks for this series and to the author, thanks for your honesty.