Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Still Crying: What Spanking Really Taught Me

This powerful piece comes from Lisa Helms. She blogs over at Musings of a Fat Kid. Thanks for your contribution Lisa!

Dear Mom and Dad,

I've come to the realization, that I own my body.  You gave me this right-- of owning my body-- until it was taken away.  It was taken away every time you spanked me from the age of two until the age of ten, and the many times after that when I was threatened by the possibility.

Being spanked taught me that it's okay to be hit without consent.  It doesn't matter where on my body you "spanked" me.  The fact that I was hit without consent, carried into my adult life, when I was again, several times, hit without consent, and I thought it was okay.

It's not okay, and I'm taking my inherent right back.  You will never see your future grandchildren without my supervision, because I can't know for sure you'll respect their right to own their bodies.

Your Daughter

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  1. I made it clear to my in-laws that if they ever spanked any of my kids and I found out about it I'd have them charged with assault.

  2. Bodily integrity is a right except if you are a kid... It makes me so angry. Lisa, you are a brave woman.

  3. Being spanked as a child does NOT cause a spanking fetish. You won't find one scientific study saying that it does. People like to believe that because they need to have a justification for it, but it's absolutely not true. If it was true then everyone who has a spanking fetish would have had to have been spanked as a child and that is just not the case. Some people were, some weren't, some were abused, some had only seen others get spanked, etc. People with any fetish do NOT share similar backgrounds or experiences growing up any more than the general population. Fetishes are most likely genetic- like homo or heterosexuality. Having a fetish is not something you can control but you don't have to be traumatized by it either. It's not like some of the really weird fetishes out there like stomping on toys or screwing goats! Lol! (Yeah, those are real fetishes.) Please don't perpetuate the myth that spanking causes fetishes. If you are against spanking, that is fine, but please don't promote false information.

    1. I disagree. Childhood experiences can have life long effects and imprint certain associations into adulthood. Spanking can definitely become a fetish because our parents love us and cause us pain on an erogenous zone= recipe for adult sexual issues.

  4. NYgirl: I have never suggested that fettishes are a result of spanking, that's obviously not accurate since, as you mentioned, people with certain fetishes come from totally different backgrounds, etc. Fetishes aren't even neccisarily a bad thing.

    I am saying that (for some people) being spanked taught their brains to associate sexuality with shame, violence, pain, embarrassment, etc. That's not a particular fetish. That's not really a fetish at all. Its a frustrating association that may or may not damage your sexuality

  5. It is really surprising how many people buy into the concept that spanking a huge component in the formation of a spanking fetish. Consistently the only reasoning that is offered is that there are those that have a spanking fetish that were not spanked. Here is the problem with all of this: It is my humble analysis of human developement that a large part of our critical and almost unchangeable formation happens prior to the age of 6. Coupled with that, the memories we carry to adulthood tend to be from after the age of 6. I have both spoken with and read stories from a number of people in the spanking community and many if not most will contend that they were born that way. Personally I find that an impossible proposition. We are definitely born with some basic needs that are common to mankind but to suggest that the need to be spanked is innate is based on a similar lack of memory and a misunderstanding of what is really taking place when a spanko experiences the full spanking scenario. At a very tender age in everyones life there is an overwhelming need to receive expressions of love and care but for some of us for various reasons the only expression of love and care happened within the context of discipline and pain. Some of us can remember a lot, others can remember very little and yet others cannot remember anything at all. Our memories at that early age are not a reliable source of information for two reasons, one is simply a lack of memory and the second is the potential of blocking memories in a natural and involuntary form of selfprotection. As with anything we can associate things in several ways and often in opposite ways. Some may associate a spanking with the calm that the endophins bring after the event and find it very pleasurable and feel loved by it. Others, overwhelmed by the pain make the opposite association. In both cases there is an effect carried into adulthood...not convinced that either is a good and necessary effect.