Monday, November 7, 2011

Identity, Dreams, and Boxing Gloves

I miss Martial Arts so much.
I miss the balance, the strength, the sore muscles, the confidence, the competition, and yes, i even miss the bruises. I used to be in the gym every day. Training. 3 hours straight most nights after school. My whole paycheck went to MMA.

 I loved it..........
                       Lived it............
                                                                                                         Breathed it............

I'd give anything to be back there now, sweating out all my frustration.

 The technique thoroughly absorbed me,
                                            the intensity cleared my mind,
                                                                           the balance calmed and energized me.
Martial Arts brought me a sense of identity i had never known before. The drills taught me to push myself. The ring taught me to believe in myself. I miss the adrenalin. I miss the pain. I miss the peace.

But we have to pick our battles, don't we?

I want an education, I'm determined to have the career i want.
 I study.........
                           i write.........
                                                i plan.............
......and I've never felt so close to success.
My entire paycheck goes to rent, school, insurance, and savings. I am building my future, one day at a time. So I'll keep working 8-5, doing my home work and paying my bills. I'll keep glancing wistfully at that MMA gym on my way to school at night. I'm on the road to where i want to be. I know who i am, and i know where I'm going. Someday I'll be back on those mats, pursuing the balance that made me who i am today.

I know my dreams will come true, just maybe not all at once :)


  1. I know the feeling. I'm a regular reader but not a regular commenter. I have 4 kids and just went back to work part time, now needing full time, and in school too. Several have told me to give up school for various reasons but I can't and I won't. I always wanted to go to college and I'm going to and I'm going to finish my bachelors degree, do a year of honors, and go on to a masters degree. I will do this, for my future and for me. I think my children will appreciate that.

  2. Just not all at once. EXACTLY! I can still hardly believe how much is possible. Keep you head up! You are amazing. :)

  3. I understand the love you have for MA
    I do wing chun kung fu. Also good for getting out the rage
    I hope that you hve begun the study you want and you are well and happy!:)