I wake up.
My room is a little bit messy.
I have learned that there is no need to berate myself for not folding my socks before they go into the drawer. Skipping laundry day does not make me a bad person.
I stumble into the bathroom wearing boxers and a star wars t-shirt.
I am not obligated to wear sexy lingerie and nightgowns to bed. I am not obligated to wear underwear designed for women. I am only obligated to wear what makes me feel comfortable.
I brush my teeth and wash my face and I DON’T weigh myself.
There is no scale in my bathroom. I have learned that my health is measured by how I feel, and my worth isn’t measured at all.
I rub styling paste into my short, boyish hair and stand it straight up.
My hair is not my crown of glory. My hair is not a symbol of my relationship with a deity. My hair does not hide the roundness of my face or accentuate my femininity. My hair is just hair. And it makes me feel free and powerful and I think its sexy as hell. And that’s all that matters.
I slap on a swatch of winged eyeliner.
I don’t care what it “says” about me. I just like how it makes my eyes look greener. It’s not for you. It’s for me.
I get dressed.
Dress pants from the men’s section of Banana republic. A flattening sports bra. A button up, tucked in. A grey cardigan. Wide, flat stud earrings. My clothes make me feel confident, and they reflect me very accurately. I am masculine and feminine rolled into one. I am me. I am different. And that’s okay.
I eat breakfast.
Fruit and toast with almond spread. I am a vegan. Respecting nature is important to me. This is a personal moral decision, and it doesn’t mean that I am foolish, or arrogant like I was taught. Living vegan makes me feel honest and compassionate, and that’s a good enough reason.
I kiss my Hunnie goodbye on my way out the door.
I’m off to work an 8 hour day. I bring home the bacon, and that doesn’t make me less of a woman any more than it makes him less of a man.
On the way to work, I call to make an appointment with my Doctor.
I’m getting a hormonal birth control implant in my arm, because I don’t want to get pregnant. Not now, maybe never, and that’s okay. My value is not defined by my willingness or ability to give birth. My family is not defined by how many children we have.
Feminist, queer person, agnostic, vegan, student, nerd, employee, blogger, singer, activist; these labels fit me, but they don’t define me. I am Sarah, and I am more than the sum of my parts. I am free, and I am finally learning what it means to be happy.