Monday, September 24, 2012

Confessions of a Bad Mother

This post is from a reader named Jane B. Thank you for your courage in sharing your story Jane!

 Let me just get it out of the way and say I was a BAD MOMMY who did not know any better. I yelled at her, brushed off her thoughts and feelings,called her all kinds of names, put hot sauce in her mouth, spanked her, and worst of all thought children should be told what to do and not really listened to.
 When my daughter was 10 years old I was putting away some of her clothes and saw her diary on top of the dresser  so I grabbed it and started crying at some of the stuff I read. In her diary she wrote stuff like I am scared of mom and dad, that she did not trust us, thought she was stupid, thought she was a Disappointment to the both of us,  thoughts that her feelings did not matter, thought she was a bad kid, and worst off all thought our love was conditional. 
 Later that day went to the bookstore and bought a book called P.E.T (Parent Effectiveness Training) by Dr Thomas Gordon and since then my little girl my baby has been more confident,happier,well behaved,loving, caring, compassionate, and best of all she shares her thoughts feeling fear and concerns problems with us because she know we are gonna try and teach/guide her and not punish/hurt her any more.

And to those who spank or who are considering it I ask of two humble requests. First please look at scientific research that shows all the negative effects of corpal punishment. And  second I ask that you please look at other more peaceful loving effective methods to raise your children. And to my hunni bunni( daughter childhood nick name) I know you have forgiven me and I have said it a bunch of time but I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you. I will always love you unconditionally no matter what you do.

Jane B

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  1. You are an amazing mom, because you acknowledged the problem did the work to change yourself, rather than blaming your child for "having a bad attitude" the way my mother would have done. I applaud you.

  2. I'm so glad you took that revelation as an opportunity to change instead of proof that she was incorrigible. True love will shine through in the end. It did with my parents, and it didn't with other parents I've seen who didn't have it. What matters is that you do the best you can, and don't reach a point where you decide to choose religion over your child's wellbeing. Please take heart. I'm sure your daughter will turn out just fine because you have taught her that mistakes can be learned from, and changes can be healthy.

  3. Thank you publishing my story. feels good to get it off my chest. I think it would be a wicked cool idea if you start talking about alternatives to harsh punishment techniques or at least give parents other resources so they know what to do instead of spanking yelling and bribing.

    Also thank you Conundrum and Mrs. Searching for your kind words. It has been 2 years since I last spanked and both my kids are better off for it. (to be fair the youngest is 4 and does not ever remember them)

  4. Excellent book on how a mother overcame years of habit and stopped hitting her children, and the positive effects it had.
    Growing With My Children by Sarah Shapiro

  5. This is so beautiful.