Thursday, September 22, 2011

Tired of Being Green

I try to hide my age. Most people think I'm in my mid 20's and i just let them. But since this is my place to to be completely honest, I think I'll go ahead and out myself. On Tuesday of this week, i turned 20 years old. It was my Golden birthday. I guess that's supposed to be special right? One year older means nothing to me, except an excuse to stretch the budget for some new clothes. I feel like Ive been this old forever. Maybe when I'm 30 I'll finally feel my age...

I know it sounds strange, but i really like the idea of getting old. I mean REALLY old. I picture myself standing in front of the mirror counting every wrinkle and grey hair. I think age is beautiful. I long for the day when my body's flaws will not be my fault.

Outside the trees are drooping and changing colors. You can't tell which is best because they are all so different. Nobody expects the maple to be lush and green like his oak neighbor anymore. Nobody is disappointed when the shrubs stop blooming. The leaves were so beautiful when they were born in the spring, but when summer came they had to fall in line with everybody else. Fall does not mean death and decay to me. It's the time when the trees and grass can finally escape the strict monotony of green and express their differences.

The spring in my life was short and somewhat rough. I've been green since i was 12 years old... Every birthday I get one year older and stay the exact same boring color. I look forward to the wrinkles and new curves that will come with the autumn of my life. I'm tired of being green. I know it's probably a bit early to be saying that. 20 years old is young. I'm barely an adult.. But birthdays and Fall always seem to make me wistful. Maybe when my body catches up to my old soul I'll be proud to tell my age...

In the meantime, I'm going to put on my hat and scarf and go buy myself some colorful sweaters for my birthday.

I love fall..... :)


  1. I'm the same getting old. I really look forward to my 40s.

    Happy birthday!

  2. Enigma! Happy Birthday! I would have never guessed you're that young. I thought you were older than me...
    Loved your post, by the way. Inspired me to write some thing about it too...

  3. @ Hillary, 40 sounds nice. :) Thanks for the birthday wishes! :)

    @Lisa, Thanks! I look older too. Like i said, my soul is old so i probably sound old when i write. I feel so misplaced amongst my peers. How old are you? Can't wait to read the post i inspired :)

  4. I'm 23, born in march so I got a few more months. I don't know, it just feels like every year goes by faster than the previous one. It scares me a bit, to feel like I want to do so much but every hour seems to be a second shorter than the one before. Time really does fly.

  5. It's funny, I feel so opposite. I kept waiting to feel like an adult. I thought turning 21 would do it. No. Who cares about getting old enough to drink if you don't want to drink? Surely, then, getting married would do it. I was 22. No. Just another year with someone I'd already knew for ten years. So, maybe being a mother. No. Andy came along. I felt like I'd given birth to a sweet baby brother.
    That's when I knew something was wrong. And started taking a real hard look at who I was, and why. And I realized I had been held back from growing up for so long, I hadn't ever really started.
    I looked forward to turning 30 too. And I still feel like the little sister, even though my 3 sisters are 7-10 years younger than me. I have no real life experience outside of the home, even today. I just know how to hide money from an addict and recognize a junkie.