I work at a tax firm, so I'm basically way too busy this time of year to be blogging. But I've been feeling very fashionable this week and I wanted to share pictures with somebody. Photo posts are so lazy, but I don't really have time for much else!
This is my outfit from Wednesday of this week. Just ignore the fact that I'm clearly standing in the bathroom at work, and also ignore the fact that I'm taking pictures of myself in the mirror. I was feeling extremely uncomfortable and traumatized all day, and I'm positive it was because of the skirt.
This is me on Thursday, suddenly feeling confident and comfortable in a pair of dress pants and a cardigan. It's amazing how much better I felt that day.
Anybody from a Fundy background like me knows how frustrating clothes can be. I feel like I never had a chance to discover my style, and I have all these random insecurities and paranoia when it comes to getting dressed.
"OMG what will happen if I lift my arms up? Someone might see my midrif!"
"Relax"
"Can't wear this, you can see a bra strap"
"Is it acceptable to wear pants this tight?"
"What is normal?"
"Forget it. I give up. I'll just stay in the house all day. Better yet, I'll stay in bed all day."
I've had to force myself to put aside my fears and focus on what I want and what makes me feel good. Those are both major no-no's for a Fundie girl, but those days are behind me now. This last year has been an adventure in self discover and self acceptance, and I think I'm finally starting to enjoy it.
This is me today. We do casual Friday at my office. I'm feeling awesome in my sweater from the men's section of H & M. I painted my nails green and I'm wearing neon orange socks under my boots, because they make me happy and remind me that it's okay to be me. Today is a good day. :)
Has anyone else experienced skirt-PTSD? Have you guys struggled to find your style or accept your body? What is your version of "Neon Orange Socks?"
Skirts didn't do that for me but aprons sure did. Putting one on made me feel claustrophobic as I was being smothered by gender role expectations. I've trashed so many clothes over the years by not wearing aprons. After decades without aprons I finally found I could wear a heavy canvas male body shape friendly BBQ style apron and not feel like I was dieing inside.
ReplyDelete~BV
I UNDERSTAND!! I never wear aprons. I don't even own one. I think the only exception would be somthing cool and nerdy. Maybe i'd wear an apron that looked like Darth Vadar's suit... haha :)
DeleteDo you ever watch What not to Wear?
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing to see how much of that show is really getting people to recognize that the deserve to have and buy clothes that make them beautiful. That they are worth both the money and being the center of attention.
back when i had cable (like a year ago) i would watch that show. I always felt like the two of them were SOOO mean. But that was mostly in the reruns, i think they got nicer with time.
DeleteI can't wear a skirt but for different reasons. I never felt feminine at all since I was a child and I rebelled against having to wear skirts and then came awkward adolescence and I thought me with a skirt would match as much a gorilla in a dress.
ReplyDeleteNow I've gotten fat and I have small breasts so everything looks pretty awful and I'm learning how to do typical women stuff like putting on make up and walking with heels but I never feel better than when I'm on my comfy jeans and converse-like shoes. I really like looks that skew a bit to the androgynous side but I don't tend to dress like that since it doesn't fit my body.
You look awesome in all the above photographs althouhg you appear to be cringing a bit in the first one. I'm probably very biased but I prefer your Casual Friday outfit followed by Wednesday's XP
I AGREE. I'm a huge fan of the androgynous look. But its really hard for me to pull off with these curves. :P My default favorite outfits now are my grey converse, skinny jeans, screen print T's with nerdy things on them and lots of men's cardigans. :D
DeleteHow long has it been since you have been out of fundamentalism, Sarah?
ReplyDeleteHas this anxiety gotten any better with time?
I left home in the summer of '09. I didnt really start to leave the fundimentalist mindset tho untill Spring 2011. I have gone from severe anxiety, depression, and disordered eating, to healthy, curvy and happy. I still experience bouts of anxiety and depression occasionally, but i'm getting better and better at managing it. Learning to love, accept, and respect yourself after 20 years of the oposite message is certainly a challenge!
DeleteI started doubting/questioning about 3 years ago, became an agnostic about 2 years ago. It's hard to give up the mindset, for sure.
DeleteI've experienced skirt PTSD, but for different reasons. My dress wasn't subjected to as much criticism as my body language growing up. You are quite the artistic dresser there! I was just starting to get really colorful and vibrant with my clothes and hair when I decided to take ASL. First thing the teacher told me was that all my pizzazz made it very hard to communicate with me. Lol. I never thought about that. So I had to tone it down. :)
ReplyDeleteI went to a UPC Pentecostal church for number of years after graduating high school. They had a no pants rule and for a short while I tried to follow it. I hated it because I'm a big girl and have big thighs. They rub together and feel like fire by the end of the day! My husband and I have been together for over 7 years and has seen me in a skirt or dress only 3 times total, one of which was our wedding day.
ReplyDeleteHmmm.... your hair... *checks the mirror* I think I need to get a short haircut too. Looks amazing as always :)
ReplyDeleteI enjoy wearing dresses still, but shorter ones. I avoid the long skirts because they simply make me feel uncomfortable. I wear jeans or leggings with a long top almost every day so, ya, I guess I never really thought about the fact that I'm not wearing skirts anymore.
Now that I'm thinking - I tend to look for nice skirts when shopping but I never really like any of the skirts I see around. Maybe I don't like them because I have skirt aversion? Not sure...
I don't wear skirts unless they're non-fundie-approved lol!
ReplyDeleteI get skirt-trauma. Unfortunately, my body type (small waist, big hips) means it's easier to find skirts that fit than work pants. I avoid the trauma by buying only skirts that hit at or above the knee and wearing comparatively tighter tops with them.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm not at work, though, I trade off the same two pairs of jeans. Jeans are the best.
It's kind of a shame because I like long, elegant skirts as a look. I keep reasoning with myself that it won't bother me if i wear them with a tight tank top, but I think even that won't help.
I think you look awesome in all of the pictures--different "looks" for different days. I can understand why you feel uncomfortable in the skirt though, and think you should wear clothes that make you feel comfortable. I once heard a "Focus on the Family" radio program where a mother called up to ask advice regarding her 5 year old daughter who refused to wear dresses for church. The child had been molested a year previous, and felt exposed in the dresses. "Dr" Dobson told the mother to make it an obediance issue (since a year was long enough for her to "get over" the abuse), and spank her if necessary to get her to wear the dresses. UUUUGGGGHHHH!!!
ReplyDelete